Transforming routines into rituals
A special note:
This post is dedicated to the memory of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, Sandra Bland, Atatiana Jefferson, Tamir Rice, Trayvon Martin, Oscar Grant, Philando Castille, Eric Garner, Michael Brown, Elijah McClain, and ALL of the many other beautiful black lives we’ve lost to inadequate fear-based hatred + unjust racist police brutality.
So much is happening all at once, and it’s honestly overwhelming. I recently made the decision to break away from social media despite my inner rebelliousness. Everything in me wants to fight, yell, scream my truth and the truth of my people. I had even thought about using this post as a platform to do so. But I recognized a greater need within all that’s happening — the need to hold myself. To remind myself that my life has value. To pull myself inward and access my own individual truth. As cliche as it sounds, now more than ever before it’s important that we acknowledge there is LIFE happening inside of us. We ARE living. Our lives have value, and this side of our history is not all that makes us. We are black and loving, black and creating, black and protecting, black and mothering or fathering, black and supporting, black and dancing, singing, laughing, black and breathing. We live for those whose lives have been taken. We live for our ancestors and those who have fought on the lines before us. This continuous reminder that there is life inside all that has died within our bloodline is what transcends our race.
If you find yourself struggling to speak or find the words you need to say in these moments, say nothing. You should know that that’s okay. Instead of speaking, remain silent and listen to what life comes up inside of you.
Transforming routines into sacred rituals
image by Melissa Koby
Why Rituals?
Rituals are a great way to separate from what’s outside of us and build a stronger relationship with ourselves. When I began creating rituals for myself the first thing I recognized was my need for detachment. I needed to remove everything that wasn’t mine to carry, and even more importantly I needed a way to identify what that was. We move through life so fast sometimes, interacting with so many people and taking care of so many different day-to-day tasks. In this, we pick up energies, both high and low. You can recognize this as noise; outside noise that’s overshadowing the song you created inside of yourself, your own lyrical intuition. Living in the age of social media, we can become so engaged that what we truly feel inside becomes blurred and distorted.
This is why a ritual can become a great tool for reminding you of your own truth — all that is yours created by you. It forces you to spend time with yourself, focusing only on what you feel. Phones off, distractions limited…you’re simply allowed to hear + observe what’s on your mind and what’s in your heart.
Any time is a good time to establish your personal ritual. Many people seek online sources to find rituals created and suggested by others. This is always a good starting point. However, when you begin to personalize and curate your own rituals, the experience becomes deeply personal and more meaningful. So how do you deviate from the general template to a specially curated blueprint? Short answer, start with your routines. But first, it’s important to understand what a ritual is considered and how it can benefit you in developing a loving relationship with yourself.
What Is A Ritual?
I like to define a ritual as a sacred routine that connects and aligns us with the truth within ourselves. It’s an act of self-exploration, and we can come to it whenever we need space to separate ourselves from what is and isn’t ours. It’s also a performance of self-love and self-intimacy. It doesn’t require anything outside of us, or of what we know, and of what we truly want. It is a deeply personal act. It starts and ends with us, and makes no room for anything that isn’t ours. If it has no place in us, it has no place in our ritual.
How Does A Ritual Support You?
When you engage in a ritual established by yourself, it expands your self-intimacy. Each step of the process, from creating it to actually doing it, requires you to focus on how you feel. Does this feel right? What feels good to me? What do I like? What brings me joy? What brings me peace? You begin to intensely and constantly monitor how and what you feel. With the constant motion of life, we may never get this kind of attentiveness from anywhere else. So, when we give it to ourselves, we start to cultivate this intimate relationship with who we are. We’re allowing ourselves to access what we maybe don’t have the ability to access when we’re tending to obligations or defending ourselves against whatever is outside of us. Being a black woman, I find myself consistently having to defend myself. It’s tiring. It not only takes energy out of me, but it adds to it the energy I was subjected to, energy that wasn’t mine to take to begin with. Because of this constant battle of energy, a lot of times we get so caught up in the battle we may find ourselves forgetting the why’s in our actions. Why am I defending? Why am I upset? Why did this hurt?
The benefit of a ritual is that it offers you the opportunity of connecting with your why. When you commit to creating intentional time with yourself, doing and focusing only on what makes you feel alive — what makes you feel like yourself…that’s when you start to uncover your why. It’s like a light bulb goes off inside of you brightening all the parts of yourself you may have forgotten in continuance defense and obligation. The light bulb shows you who you are.
It’s tedious work, but it’s the work that makes life lighter.
What Do You Need In Order to Create A Personal Ritual?
A promise and intention. They go hand and hand really. When you make a promise you are also setting an intention. Though when you make a promise to yourself that becomes a form of radical self-intimacy. Think about all the promises you’ve made and upheld with your friends or partners. How did keeping and committing to that promise foster intimacy in your relationship? It’s something that requires each person to remain accountable, committed, and honest. These are the same ideals and attributes you create with your relationship to self when you make a promise between you and you only.
You’re also making a commitment to show up for yourself. It’s the commitment that makes a ritual sacred and not that of a normal routine. By creating your own personal ritual you are making the commitment to consistently create this enjoyable experience for yourself.
The last and possibly most important ingredient to include when curating your ritual is presence. You should be willing to listen intently to what’s going on inside of you as the ritual is taking place. Listen to what you feel and pay attention to whether or not it feels awakening. How I know something works for me is when I get this glimmering feeling of life inside. It’s a unique “AHA” moment where I go “oh that’s right…I actually am living.”
It’s important to bring presence in your ritual because this is how you start to understand what it is you’re really longing for. Study yourself. You’ll start to cultivate an understanding of your own “aha” moments — your personal rhythm.
Now, rewinding back to intention, one thing I forgot to mention earlier above is…What do you want? What are your goals within this ritual?
While you’re just beginning it’s not totally necessary for this to be clearly defined. It may be something you come to understand as you begin experimenting with what works for you. Though, it should be something you think about because having a clear idea of where you wish to ascend to can impact the level of consciousness you experience when performing your rituals.
How Do You Create A Ritual By Transforming Your Routine?
You can start by examining the routines you currently have in place. The idea is that these routines will provide a general structure for you to explore yourself within. Unlike a general template from a stranger you could find in a Google search, the routines you already developed create a foundation for your ritual that’s personal and more intimate.
So begin by thinking about any routine where there may be an opportunity for you to start exploring a deeper connection with yourself? If you have trouble with this, try thinking about the ingredients I described above. Which routines that with intention, presence, and commitment can be transformed into something much more meaningful?
I’ll give you an example. For myself, it was washing my hair. Washing and styling my hair was something I never thought I’d enjoy. NEVER. Sometimes I still have those days where it feels like more of a job than a ritual, however, I noticed this routine as an opportunity to create a deeper, more meaningful relationship with my hair & overall appearance. So, I identified it as a routine that with commitment, intention, and presence could be transformed into a sacred ritual.
I started by experimenting and personalizing. I asked myself what brings me joy and what makes me happy?
(a little crystal energy never hurt nobody)
I discovered that if I wanted to make this an experience to enjoy then adding music would definitely help with that. My speaker found its home in my bathroom, right in front of the mirror on the sink’s counter.
From then on Beyoncé and wash day went hand and hand. Screaming her empowering lyrics into the mirror while tending to my crown made the experience not only enjoyable but also somewhat transformative. It’s as if I was initiating my personal power, and calling back into myself the confidence that may have escaped me during moments from the days passed.
Now that I made this experience a little more enjoyable, I could relax. The addition of music helped ease me into a more mindful state. It was a state of being that allowed me to feel more like myself. I became present. As a result, my actions became slow and intentional.
For the first time, I had really begun committing to the process of doing my hair. In my newfound awareness, phone calls and texts were ignored, which even helped move the process along more quickly.
Because of my presence, intention, and commitment in my hair routine not only did I begin to create a more loving and intimate relationship with my hair, but I also started to see it flourish much better than it ever did before.
So just like that my hair routine transformed into a hair ritual. I started with a routine I already had in place, with clear steps to follow along the process. Then transformed it into something more meaningful by asking myself questions and understanding what I needed in order to create more joy and fulfillment in my actions.
Now each time I perform this ritual my confidence soars and I’m reminded of my true self by accessing my personal power.
Remember that this IS about YOU
Now, for me, adding a little music and the key ingredients (presence, intention, commitment) was all I needed in order to deepen this experience and take it from routine to ritual. But, remember that this is about what works for you. There’s no right or wrong way, only the way that works best for you.
There are so many possibilities and different ways for you to enhance your ritual and transform your routines. Many people go even further by adding crystals + sage, which I’ll begin to talk more about in my other pages. However, what matters most is that you use whatever supports you in your experience.
The idea of a ritual is not meant to be something that you conquer or master. Like life, it’s a journey and it’s meant to be explored. This can be fun. You are the creator which means you get to do whatever you want. Trust me, you will see the best results when you have fun and experiment. Focus on what YOU want and what that means to YOU.
Pleaaaaaaase feel free to comment below and share your own experience with rituals or how this page may have helped you in cultivating your own! I can’t wait to hear.
